(Family) Constellations

More than just family issues

A well-known proverb says: the apple does not fall far from the tree. This means, in a nutshell: your child resembles you, you resemble your mother, your mother resembles your grandmother, and so on up to seven generations back. And it's not just about your eyes and physique, but especially about your behavior and certain patterns that you unconsciously (and often unwillingly) adopt. For example, if working very hard was the norm in your family, it could be that you always need to be busy. As if you are being chased by an angry dog. As soon as you sit down, an unpleasant feeling of guilt creeps up... and off you go again. That yields something, but it often costs much more than it delivers.

With a family constellation, you address family patterns that are passed down from generation to generation. So you're helping multiple generations at once! Yourself, of course, as well as the generations before and after you. How beautiful it is when your children don't have to inherit your trauma and can already make their own choices freely?

Family constellations are back in full swing. And rightly so, because there is no method that shows what's happening between you and others in 3D as quickly as this one. Even more beautiful is that during a constellation, you can 'intervene' in the past and resolve old pain, restore order, and transform negative patterns. In short, your life gets better now. And the lives of the people around you too. You change, they change with you.

If you want to know more about the theory and background of family constellations, and how and by whom they were introduced to the world, click here

Something is going on in your life. With your mother, your child, your brother or sister, or with your partner. Or with people who resemble them, who actually represent the energy of your mother, child, brother or sister, or partner. Often, you encounter them at work. A bossy supervisor, a manager who doesn't see or appreciate you, a colleague with whom you're constantly in conflict, or someone who continuously oversteps your boundaries. Does this sound familiar?

Anyway, it's getting in your way and you want to solve it. And of course, you also want to know how it works, such an arrangement, what the costs are, and all those other practical things. I offer one-on-one arrangements and group arrangements. It works a bit differently. Below you can read all about it.

One-on-one arrangement - How does it work?

We have already spoken during the telephone intake. So, I already have an idea of what you want to work on and you already know that you are in the right place and in good hands with me. You will be warmly welcomed with a cup of tea, and I will ask you a number of questions so that we can clarify your question completely. Clear questions give clear answers!

We do a short relaxation exercise to connect you with your body and your feelings.

Then you set up your family system on the table, using wooden figures. This immediately provides a lot of insight into the relationships between family members and makes clear where the bottlenecks are. How was/is it between your parents; who got/got along well with whom; who moved/moves out of their place, where are you in the whole thing? etc.

After that, we set it up in the room. For all involved, you lay down a mat or a paper with their name on it. You stand on your mat for yourself; I stand for the involved family members and step onto the respective mat. Then everything unfolds and I, as the facilitator, can perform healing interventions. When I give the timeout sign, I step out of that person and am the facilitator again.

How do I know what the other person is feeling or what I 'should' say? This happens through the magical knowing field (morphogenetic field) in which we are all connected and all information about everyone becomes available during the arrangement. The field opens at the beginning and closes again after the arrangement. It remains magical, my clients are regularly amazed that a representative sounds or acts exactly like the 'real' person.

As a facilitator, I ask you the right questions and make the right interventions to free you from inherited patterns, to clear old baggage, and to let love and energy flow freely again. In this way, every participant – including you – can take responsibility for themselves and their own fate. This is very liberating, as experience has shown. And not just for you, but also for the other family members.

A session lasts between 90 minutes and two hours. Afterwards, we'll have another cup of tea so you can let everything sink in calmly. I will also tell you what is best to do and not to do after the arrangement. After a week, we will have email contact to hear how things are going and if more is needed.

Sometimes an issue is resolved with one arrangement, sometimes more are needed. Therefore, I offer trajectories of three and six months in addition to individual sessions, with, if desired, a combination of arrangements and Hypnotherapy. You can also book individual sessions separately.

The one-on-one arrangements are given in my home practice, at Bannewaard 20 in Alkmaar. Free parking in front of the door.

Do you want to learn more about 1-on-1 constellations and discuss the best option for you? Click the button: 15 minute brainstorm session with Wilma then we'll schedule a phone appointment, and you can ask all your questions!

Group arrangement, how does it work?

Also in a group arrangement, we first discuss to clarify your question. The clearer your question, the clearer the answer. Then you choose representatives for yourself and the people who are related to your question, and you place them in the space. You get to see a 3D picture of what is going on and between whom. Sometimes confronting but always enlightening. You simply can't ignore it, and that's exactly the point, because you want to solve it. Right? The representatives often experience the feelings of the person (or thing) they represent and show and tell that too. Sometimes they even look or sound like that person. This makes visible what is happening on a deeper level, and I, as a facilitator, can perform healing interventions. And I mean healing interventions: they ensure that your old pain is resolved and new energy starts flowing.

First Time

If you are participating in a family arrangement workshop for the first time, it's helpful to first join as a representative. This way, you can get acquainted with the energy and experience how 'it works'.

Do you want to know more? Click on 15 minute brainstorm session with Wilma,
Would you like to sign up immediately? Click here to sign up!

It sounds like you've come across a meaningful and nostalgic photo from your childhood. It's touching to reflect on the past and how your perspective on happiness and responsibility has evolved over time. Memories like these can hold a lot of emotional value. If you have any questions or if there's anything specific you'd like to discuss or do related to this photo or memory, please feel free to let me know.

For those who want to know more:

Our family system is the first and most important system

Every person is a part of one or more systems, starting with the family system. Whether you are aware of it or not, your family system has a significant influence on your actions and the choices you make, even to this day. A family constellation provides insight into how your system is structured, the relationships within it, the dynamics at play, your role in it, and more.

In addition to your family of origin, you belong to various other systems: your relationship, your family, school, work, associations, and community. And everywhere, you may encounter that dominant mother you need to resist or that irritating sibling with whom you constantly clash. You probably recognize this pattern, not because these are unpleasant people, but because you are repeating unresolved and painful experiences from your childhood.

There is something that can be done about it. As a child, you couldn't resolve these issues because you were entirely dependent on your parents or caregivers. Now that you're an adult, you have the ability to address these issues. I have helped many people tackle unresolved pain, as illustrated in the story below.

Read here about a daughter and her dominant father.

Systemic Laws

For every system, the following three systemic laws apply, whether it's a family, a business, a school, a (sports) club, a residential community, or a (criminal) organization. Just think about The Godfather, who is undoubtedly at the top of his system. That's why a constellation can also work in all areas of your life because all those areas involve just as many systems.

1. Bond; everyone has an equal right to a place. 2. Ordering. 3. Balance.

We can expand these laws to 5 dynamics.

1. Everyone has an equal right to a place (bonding).
2. Everyone carries their own fate (bonding).
3. Seniority and everyone in the right place (in families; father, mother, eldest child, second child, third child, youngest child. In organizations: the management, managers, employees) (order).
4. Parents give, children may receive (own bloodline) (balance).
5. Balance in giving and taking (balance).

Dynamics

If one or more dynamics are missing or "violated," the system does not function properly, and various symptoms occur. These processes are almost always unconscious. A (family) constellation reveals what is happening at a deep level. This allows old wounds to be healed, the order to be restored, balance to be achieved, and so on.

Examples of this include:

Binding

When (family) members are excluded, for whatever reason, people from later generations may take on the energy and associated behavior of an excluded (family) member to make the system 'whole' again. Think of a 'wrongful' grandfather who is never spoken of again, or an uncle who died from alcoholism.

Ordening

Order can be disrupted when children come between their parents or take on the role or tasks of one of the parents, for example, due to illness, absence, or the death of one of the parents. As a child, you do this out of love but at a great cost, as you cannot be a child and carry a much too heavy burden. Another example of disrupted order is when the school principal lacks real authority, and the teachers believe they will determine things themselves. This ultimately leads to chaos and discipline problems in the classroom.

Balance in Giving and Taking

In general, relationships work best when there is a balance between giving and receiving. Relationships or friendships where everything has to come from one side usually don't last very long. An exception to this rule is the relationship between parents and children. The parents give, and the child may receive. As a child, you do not have to "repay" this or bring it into balance. It can happen that as a child, you want to alleviate your father or mother's heavy or sad fate. You do this by being very sweet or very cheerful (doing), or by being the clown and diverting attention. In this case, you are giving, not focusing on yourself, and there is a good chance that you will spend the rest of your life focusing on others and "forgetting" yourself.

How do the representatives receive information? During a constellation, we make use of the morphogenetic field or Knowing Field. Bert Hellinger discovered that we can use this Knowing Field to bring hidden dynamics in family and other systems to the surface and initiate their healing. It's as if we pick up information about the system through antennas. We often feel it literally in our bodies, in the form of stomach pain, tight shoulders, or a great heaviness. Sometimes, representatives say exactly the same things as the people they represent. When the constellation is over, the field and antennas close again.

For more information about Bert Hellinger and constellations, please refer to the FAQ (frequently asked questions).

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